summer solstice

i had a dream last night i shot myself in the chest it was an accident but i fatally shot myself i had the strongest will to live i had the strongest desire to stay alive to survive i called 911 but they didnt care they wouldnt send an ambulance they thought it was a prank i ran to my neighbours i called my father and no one answered finally someone who was not in the slightest rush decided to drive me to the hospital since i didnt appear to be in any pain or losing blood or showing any signs of imminent death i was just panicked and alive the most alive i've ever been with a bullet in the centre of my chest i had the strength to live the will to survive to persevere we were driving there were so many of us crammed into that SUV i never left a blood stain on the leather or on my white shirt just a hole perfectly blasted out of cotton i just got right out when we arrived and asked doctor can you help me i've shot myself right in the chest you might not believe it until you do an xray but i swear to god there is a bullet right in the middle of my chest right between my breasts i swear to god it was kind of liberating-

and then i awoke to you ringing my door bell
to pick up your guitar
maybe some coins
a pair of shoes

thanks for leaving my resumes

(i really need a job)

a moment in isolation

i was thinking about so much but now i cant remember i cant really tap into it or access it i was high to make rent i didnt decide to think anything about it or turn into coins i just wanted to make rent i remember the way you busked along the waterfront i remember your art and i think about how you turn into coins you are magical so you turn into coins then you reappear as smoke and reshape as flesh you become a body you become somebody you are busking in the streets near the water turning into coins and reappearing as smoke i just wanted to make rent i didnt mean to remember anything i didnt want to think about seven hundred dollars or vomiting on sedatives you can have my blood if you want it its not mine to keep its the blood of the universe i am the air of the universe the universe that needs my blood the blood of the universe i didnt remember your art to turn into coins i wanted to turn into coins to buy a coffee i wanted to have a cigarette and then i turned into coins so i couldnt buy a coffee or have a cigarette when i reappeared as smoke i thought of you busking along the waterfront i remember your art your melodies the brooding organ of your being that is what you are you are a brooding organ that turns into coins and reappears as smoke you are really magical i didnt mean to forget myself but i couldnt forget seven hundred dollars and how i need to make rent so i gave my blood to the universe i was high and i brought up water expelled it just to remember your art and your brooding organ heart beat the essence of you the physical magical spiritual essence of you your very ego and your shadow your darkness and your eternal and shining optimism how you turn into coins so i can buy a coffee and reappear as smoke so i can have a cigarette we are always missing each other and i made rent

can i make a short film about you???????

porch on sweeping thoughts

feel most italian sweeping concrete plants like clean balcony thrive on clean ground soil ok cement sweeping italian cement sweeping italian woman boredom loving kitchen person love country hate father want sex resent mother sweeping cement plants thrive want comfort want you to be comfortable are you hungry are you thirsty why not are you comfortable please do not say no in my home you can only say yes in my home i want to be comfortable i need comfort more than creating your comfort i want you to be ok then i am ok not well if you arent well i need you to be good i need you to be hungry and thirsty and like clean cement too isnt the balcony nice isnt it nice isnt the house nice do you like it do you feel comfortable i want you to be free but i need you to stay here can you stay overnight do you want a pillow i have pyjamas i can give you anything you want italian woman sweeps cement plants thrive cats bathe in sun comfort everything is comfortable the cats and plants like it they love it so you must too why i wouldnt like it if it wasnt likeable you must feel comfortable italian woman wants to know are you thirsty are you hungry do you want anything anything you want i will go get it it doesnt matter your hair is so beautiful your nose is perfect your eyes are so blue not envious but confused confused and intrigued she wants you to feel comfortable do you feel comfortable?

mangia l'uomo

i'm feeding
i'm feeding off you
i'm leprosy (h.d.)
i'm the worst disease

i'm feeding eating living off you
i unearth unnerve you
i parasite you
intestines hold me

i'm feeding off you
i'm needing eating
you jungle fevering
burning up raiding reaming

i'm feeding
i'm feeding off you

nourish love me
bird regurgitate me
you need me
you need to feed me

i'm feeding off you

you really love me

fucking
sweating
licking
sucking

ruckus n. jimmy
bobby chaos
this one is for you

swampy deserts don't exist

i would like them to
though

you too
i would like you to exist

come over anytime
i'll make you

i'll make you fucking come

you are sleeping

but i wont like
you i dont want
to what if -

i'll never know

i'll never let
myself find out

(again)

because of another

& myself
undoubtedly

what i'm missing