my archetype

isn't my shadow
which is more what i really am
than blind idealism
legend
and heroes

"a great man"

i mean what would you do otherwise
what would you say if you could express it
i mean maybe everything we say is meaningless
and the only real sentiments we have are unexpressable
maybe we can just blink at each other for hours
but not blinking,
smiling too from the inside.

maybe we could be friends
maybe we could hold hands
maybe you and i could talk a bunch of meaningless bullshit
and really get to know one another
and hold hands
and love one another

and come on meaning
come on meaning

you know?

"excuse me miss, are you indian?"

no, i'm not.

"can i ask you what your background is?"

i'm sicilian.

"syrian! how wonderful."

"yes, my ex-girlfriend was iranian and you look just like her."

"she's syrian mate."

"syrian! of course."

no, i'm SICILIAN

S-I-C-I-L-I-A-N

"oh right, sicilian! i've been to sicily. its lovely there."

isn't it? good for you.
"have you grown up all your life here in toronto?"

yes.

"alright then, have a good night!"

----

"huh. sicilian."

reconnecting convoluted childhood memories with the present

the future is not only impossible but illusory, and imaginative.

constantly creating concreteness

?

i want the right things to happen at the right times for the right reasons so i'm always upset nothing turns out that way since mortally imperfect manifestations are neither right nor wrong but rather really innately full of meaninglessness

i just want everything to be right in the universe

ARE WE BREATHING NOW OR LATER?

2012

yet i am so lonely

yet i am so fulfilled

yet i am so beautiful

yet i am so angry

yet i am so fancy

yet i care so little

yet i want everything

yet i have nothing

yet i live in excess

yet i am unhappy

yet i am unhappy

yet i am unhappy

i mean sadness is only a word really