the ghost

my apartment is cold. every time i step foot in here i want to shower a million times. i want to scrub all the filth off. i want to wash all the sins off. i want to feel warmth, baby, i want to feel some kind of fucking warmth again. i want to scrape the guilt off. but you can't. everything is a ghost in this apartment. i am a ghost. the light is making this shadow grow. i am walking around with great shadows. i am suffering silent, pale ghost white and shivering in sweaters. i am drowning in tears on satin pillows. i am eating art for breakfast, lunch and dinner. my last day in paris was raining and i walked the seine and no one noticed me crying. you can become a ghost over night if no one is watching.

9th floor

hold the door please.
which floor?
going up.
which floor?
the 9th floor.
there is no 9th floor.
take me there.
i can't.
take me to the 9th floor.
there is no 9th floor.
8th floor.
this is the 8th floor.
take me to the 9th floor.
i can't.
fuck me on the 9th floor.
i'm married.

the law of a circle

you see, the thing is, kid, there are two rules of nature in this world, there is one thing that dictates all events and i'll tell you what, kid, i'll tell you what right now if you're lucky. nothing matters, nothing resounds, nothing exists in this world except karma. karma is in fact the law of the universe, it is a rule that never falters, never lies, never fails. everything you do, kid, every single little thing, from the most minute to the most grandiose, comes back to you. this is the rule of the universe. it is the law of a circle. everything returns. now i know you think you've got this all figured out; you see, i used to be a kid once too. but life, if you're willing to really look, and really live, and really suffer and make art and hurt others, even unintentionally; you will see after a time the perpetuation of all actions, the cyclical nature of behaviours and how they relate to society and beyond. are you with me, kid? now the two rules are be good and be bad. you have to do both to really appreciate the other. this isn't linear space we're talking about here, kid. oh no. this is the law of the circle. and every little thing you do will come back to you. you'll see. karma is the angel who beckons you to do good and she is the temptress who tricks you into doing evil. but she just wants you to be whole, kid. that's all. we all just need to be whole. 

explain this to me

i am tired of walking in the dark
directionless darling
in these cities I Don't Care About
i am tired of your grand bazaars and winding markets
i am tired of your Sacre Coeur
frankly, the Arc de Triomphe is not big enough
i'll drink another bottle of Cotes du Rhone
but i still think Paris is a Laugh

i want to read henry miller in bed
i want to Lay in Your Embrace all day
i want to
even if it hurts i want it
i want to i want your
long fingers grasping madly at waist.
i don't care anymore
you can hurt me anymore
Nothing Fucking Matters.

i am tired of being alone
Deciphering Stupid Letters
oh i'm so tired
i don't know where i am anymore
but i'm so tired
of Imagining You

the turkish question

what is joy?

i wanna know myself
i wanna be myself
i wanna be a real HEDONIST
when i grow up
mama, yeah yeah yeah
i wanna fuck it all up
and live for today

the great Fire

(gioia, caro mio, perfezione,
fammi, fammi vedere
assoluto, completo, complessa
mi, me me me, scopa me
scopa me a paradiso, inferno
assolva me 
angelo, angelo mio
gioia della vita,
perfezione!)

the great Fire is burning 
all night.
burn me, burn me to the ground
so i can rise from the ashes.

i need to!
enlighten me Greatness 
absolve me Greatness
fuck me Greatness

hold me until the end of time.

porcelain doll

remember i am just a porcelain doll

i'll smash to pieces on your floor

milky white and out of sight

i'll cry and cry and cry 

all night.