lonely lover

i wish i could hold on to these drunken desires forever this self-induced metallic confidence this shameless legendary. you cannot stop me you cannot see me. i am sickened wishing warting wonder. i am lightning flashing dirty water. i am electric bathtubbing danger circuitry. i am over whipped cream topping i am sundry waiting. i will make this prophecy true through my own unwanting. hold me true hold me blue. hone my deepest dark desires. fuck me now keep me later. keep me in your arms until the end of time my lovely lonely lover.

3rd period stare

agh, to write and to be written -
to love and to be loved.

there are all these wrongs in this world we try to reverse.
there are these disbeliefs we try to debunk.

to think and to say,

i am someone.

to be hated.

i am hated.
i am the cunt you talk about in 3rd period spare.
i am the cunt that lives to be despaired.

and it is such a way to be living.
to look at you and to say,

i am awful.

i am hated and i am loved.
i am evil and i am good.

i am innocent and i am fucking dirty.

you think about me and say,
i cannot believe she said i wear this coat.
i cannot believe she said i hear this voice.

i am not talented, i am not important.

i am scum and i am filth.
i am cunt and i am earth.

i am veracious acne and sickness, sickness, sickness.
i am dying on the inside and you don't know it.

i do not have an alterego.

ok, i am lying.

i am someone and i am everything.

i am the death and i am the life.

i am hated, i am someone.

i am the end and the beginning.

i care, i care so much.

i think about you and your life and i hope you will survive.
i want you to be happy i want you to suffice.

sacrifice for me.

tell me i am something.
tell me i am alive tell me i am important.

tell me i am beautiful and tell me i am righteous.
tell me i die tell me i stink tell me i lie.

tell me i'm alright.

pursuing art

in this dreamless world
of nobodies

free phil spector

hollywood is scum
the media is scum
the president is scum
the pope is scum
MTV is scum
lawyers are scum
the internet is evil
for distracting our purpose
it's killing you, but
you can't get off facebook
so everything is lies
and paranoia is justified

godless woman

HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR FACE
HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR
DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND
CAN YOU STAY A BIT LONGER
ARE YOU HIDING YOUR BROTHER
IN THE OLD DUSTY CORNER
DO YOU LIKE PLAYING CUPID
ARE YOU ASKING FOR TROUBLE
I TOLD YOU I COULDN'T
I WARNED YOU I WOULDN'T
I TOLD YOU YOU'RE FOOLISH
I TOLD YOU YOU'RE STUPID
I SAID YOU ARE MAD
AND YOU STILL DIDN'T LISTEN
HAVE YOU PARTED YOUR WAYS
HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE HAZE
DO YOU WONDER IT'S GONE
DO YOU SEE THAT IT'S WRONG
CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE
FOR I KNOW WHO I AM
AND YOU GODLESS WOMAN
YOU KNOW YOU ARE STRONG

tidal waves

these dreams, these dreams
they haunt me
but what do they all mean?
to differentiate between visions and waking life
i feel as though a ghost
unfazed, unhinged
asleep and surreal
mechanically senseless rituals
forgetting my surroundings
banal and strenuous interactions
remembering and wondering
what does it all mean?
i feel as though unravelled
listless and tired
to drift back into them
into the sea of my subconscious
(that floats upon the crashing waves and sways gently with the wind)
of which i pine for

yes, yes, yes,
the tides of my mind

ode to toronto

oh toronto
how i cry for you
all the city cries tears of blue for you
oh toronto
how sad
the sky shines in brilliance for you
i cry for you
i cry petty tears of darkness
for your years of earnest effort
i cry for your fur coats
and your sharp-right cut-eyed glances
i cry petty tears of darkness
for all your prima donna sluts of highness
oh toronto
i cry for your privilege
your fancy clothes and your make-up
your concerts and your fake stuff
oh toronto
how i cry for you
i just gasp in horror
at your silly little venture
oh toronto
how i cry for you
for your privilege
for your grandeur and your ego
for your delusions that you can't let go
how sad
how terribly sad

it all is